Tuesday, December 30

2014 in review

a new job for jeremy.
2 new temples in arizona (gilbert + phoenix).
2 california trips (that included both of us. j had a few more for work + a couple to colorado).
another softball season in the books.
sister + brother in law + niece sealing in the new gilbert temple.
a new niece.
another mexican vacation.
girls trip to vegas for justin timberlake.
a blog post published on striving onward.
a pregnancy.
4 years of marriage.
2 years in our house.
lots and lots of asu games.
pregnant sister, due 3 weeks before me.
a wedding.
first timers to seattle.
baby girl + baby boy

i read something the other day, about 2014 being the hardest year of someone's life, and i wondered if i should say the same. the hardest year of my life. it feels a little dramatic, but i don't think it makes it less true. when you come out on the other side of a really hard thing, you sometimes forget about all the stuff that was in the middle.

as i was flipping through pictures the other day, i found one that i'd taken of all my medications. i sat there and stared at what this year has put us through and realized that i'd already started to forget. that seems odd, because it was so life altering and consuming and challenging, but here i sit. pregnant with two sweet babes who have no idea how much their parents love them, or how hard we fought for them. and what good would it do me to dwell on all that stuff in the middle?

the hardest year of my life.

at this point in my 24 years of existence, i think i can say that.

and yet the hardest year of my life has also been the most edifying. the most eye-opening. the most valuable. funny how that works.

and so i send off 2014 with a thanks-for-everything-but-i'll-take-it-from-here. i can't wait to see all that 2015 has in store for us, but mostly jeremy and i just want to meet our babies and be a family of four. and who knows, maybe this time next year, i'll have a new hardest year of my life. i hear that two kids thing can be a little crazy ;]

cheers to 2015!

Thursday, November 6

when you get there

The thing about IVF is that I think most people don't ever think they'll get to that point. At least I know for us, we never thought we'd get to that point. We are healthy. We are "normal." To this day, they've found nothing wrong. When we finally got up the nerve to go see a doctor, we didn't think we'd get there. When we graduated to a specialist, we didn't think we'd get there.

And yet, we did.

Along the way we've been given countless suggestions as to how to 'fix' our problem. Do this. Eat that. Get adjusted. Use these oils. Take this vitamin. And while we know these suggestions came from a place of love and concern, we also weren't getting anywhere, and that meant we eventually had to let go of anything happening on its own.

The decision to proceed with IVF is not one we made lightly. And if you'd told us beforehand just how draining it would be, we may have tried to postpone it just a little longer. Eaten one more avocado. Tried a different brand of vitamin. Because we didn't know that by the end of it, I would have given myself 100+ shots, gone to 50+ doctor appointments and taken who knows how many pills. We didn't know that half of those shots would leave bruises and bumps and make it hard for me to sit, or walk some days. We didn't know that one injection pen could cost over $400. We didn't know the emotional and mental toll it would take on either one of us.

We also didn't know how blessed we'd feel, or how much we'd see the hand of God in our lives. Our testimonies of the Lord's timing have grown so much that we'd be wise to never question Him again. We learned a lot about ourselves, each other, and our marriage. We've grown closer in a way we're not sure we could have ever achieved otherwise. For all these reasons and a few more, we have no regrets about anything. We got there. It happened. We can't say there's anything we would change about any part of this process. We feel extremely grateful to be where we are, and we're especially grateful for everything we've learned along the way.

Fertility issues are a very real, very terrifying thing. If you know someone going through it, I echo this article when he says, Hug them if you can. Cry with them if you can. And I'll add, pray for them every chance you get. Be patient if you catch them on an off day, and know that there will be plenty of those. Let them completely over-share when they want to, but also let them be vague if they need to be. It took me a very long time (as in, over two and a half years) to feel comfortable talking about it. And even then, there were days I just needed to talk about something else. Days where for just a little while, I so desperately needed my conversations to be about something different. Above everything, love them. They need it.

If you are someone going through it, our hearts go out to you. Keep your head up. Be patient with yourself, with your spouse and with the journey. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dim it may seem right now. You have all our love and prayers.


c + j

Monday, October 13

he said

what makes you think its okay to play country music when i'm in the car with you?

watching biggest loser:
j- you look skinny
c- ugh i don't feel skinny
j- oh i was talking to the guy on the show...

i ate so many sugar cookies. i feel sick. seriously i'm like a little kid. why did i do that?

i married you so i could have a maid. you've disappointed me so many times.

"we're thankful for the opportunity to go to sleep."

you look really pretty right now. i don't know why.

**i 100% copied brissa with this.
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